The Gentle Dance of Nature

I've been out of sorts all day long. You know how some days you are restless, and just one step off from everything in life? Something is not right, and I cannot pin point it.

I decide to accept this. I am going to get still instead, go deeper and listen. So Lord, take this time we spend time together, and help me understand how I got off onto the wrong foot this morning.

Sure didn't take him long. 'Well," He said, ” Do you think it has anything to do with the fact that your left foot is in a cast, and you re-injured your right knee which you ignore is painful? I'm not sure there is a right or wrong foot. You don't have a leg to stand on," he said gently, pun intended. I smiled. It was not even two weeks ago I surrendered to my self and body. I needed to rest, and keep off my feet. I remembered the eleven fractures/injuries/surgeries on the lower half of my body in 19 years. Now, make that 12. Because yes, I fell the other day walking up my snow covered, icy driveway. Well truthfully, my long, snow covered, icy driveway. Without Yak Traks on, in a walking boot cast. Dragging in a garbage bin. Oh, and yeah, throwing a ball for muffin. Smart. Real smart.

When I fell two days ago, I landed on my left hip, and the inside of the right knee. These two spots broke my fall. My left hip barked at me for a moment, but it was the humiliation that bit. I chastised myself. “I can not believe I just fell again! And I have no excuse! I could have texted a neighbor to bring in this bin, and they would have. I could have put the Yak Trak's back on which I had just taken off. But no. I had to test fate. Again.“

On the surface, my pride was wounded for having fallen in the first place. Upon deeper reflection I am remoresful at how quickly I disregard the body I live in. I left my hurting and healing body in the dust this morning. Digging deeper, it is humbling to acknowledge how deeply I need God. This morning, instead of acknowledging the severity of my pain, I slipped into my day as easily as an old slipper. I quickly jumped out of bed, and got into my day disjointed, and disconnected. Again, pun intended.

I then get into a dance of push-me, pull-you with life. On the surface I move through the day ignoring the physical pain. "Take the high road." I tell myself. "Let it go, accept it. Just respect it." And yet just down into the next layer, I am restless, irritable, and discontented. I struggle with myself.

By mid to late afternoon, I still had not put up nor iced my knee. Muffin was begging to go out and play. "Perhaps the fridged temperatures outside might help my knee." I thought. I got dressed. The crispy air refreshed my lungs as I carefully stepped onto the deck, I brushed just enough snow off the chair to sit while Winston played, Waves of heat penetrated the fridged air in a perfect mix, as the outdoor heater came to life. I soaked in the freshness and sunshine. Though only 16 degrees, it felt good on my knee and my foot. I sank into the moment allowing the stillness of the wintery afternoon to rest my soul. Yes, I affirmed to myself, this is where I need to be right now. I took a deep breath, and let out a sigh. The cloud of my heated breath escaped my lips, and joined the infinite possibilities in life.

My father came to mind. He died 17 years ago today. He was a very kind, gentle soul. He could listen to my heart, because he knew his heart. Considering this, I see his kind and gentle nature in my son and my little brother,Tommy, deceased now forty years. I knew him to be kind, sweet, and tender in heart. Joy filled my heart, as I remembered him. Though I. only know my older brother from other’s recollections of him, he was also described as very intelligent, but so sweet, kind and gentle. Ricky died tragically as a toddler. I wondered how they all had a gentle quieter spirit and it evaded me. I took another deep breath. I finally felt connected to myself and God for the first time today. My spirit soared to commune with the quiet and gentle nature of this moment and peace fell upon me like the warmth of a blanket fresh out of the hot dryer.

I took to observing the branches of the pine trees playing peacefully in response to the wind and got lost in thought. I smiled to myself curious that God could see me as quiet or gentle anything. I've literally been told so many times I am like a bull in a china shop. I continued to watch the gentle dance in nature. It was just poetic. The wind said move this way gently, and the pines graciously yield. How beautiful this is to watch, when you do not understand gentleness and quietness of spirit. The wind is quiet. No one would know it was here, but for the movement of the tops of the trees. Making no sound, it lovingly coaxes and the branches respond in kind.

I memorized how beautiful this moment was, and what I was being shown. Is it possible I could learn how to be like that wind, and also the branches? I envisioned the wind and branches if the wind were howling, and blowing through the trees. The trees I pictured were forced to bend. Anything that did not bend to the force, could break. "Yeah," I thought to myself. "That vision is more in line with the energy of my spirited self." That kind of energy can be good. It's the gift that allows me to quickly assess a crisis and chaos, and know immediately what needs to happen, My gift graces me with the ability to quickly bring order and relief. I do not think I know how to be quiet and gentle. But I know I am tired of my darn self, and I want to change. Is it possible for a quiet and gentle spirit to find me, or me it?

I continued to observe and study the gentle dance between the wind and the graceful reply of the pine. The wind sweetly introduces the branches to the grace and docility of time. Branch respond fluidly to a force unseen and unheard. The scene captured the essence of the wind conveyed the same graceful energy as that of a ballerina on point. The moment was quiet and gentle yet the power and the vitality was not lost on me. The Lord placed his hand on my shoulder, and leaned over, pointing to the trees. "This is what quiet and gentle looks like. My eyes opened. But so did my heart, and my soul. I remembered my prayer. Please open my eyes, my heart and my soul so I may follow you always.

I noted it was pine trees for this lesson. I love pine trees. They are so special to me. I remembered swaying in the very tipity-top of a 60 foot pine tree I climbed as 4 years old. I loved it up there. As a small 4 year old, this oneness with nature resonated deeply within me. Jesus suggested. " It resonated with you because you too were a quiet and gentle soul. You climbed to the top of this tree, because this is where you could be you, and you could know me."

I resonate with this quiet, gentle energy of the wind, because it resonates with something within me. The quiet and gentle spirit stirred within me, recognizing itself in the movement of the pine trees. I did not expect this. I am grappling with what happened to this part of myself, and where did she go? That’s a story for another time Suffice it to say, she could not survive the unpredictability of her environment, and needed to adapt. Thank God for the gentle quiet nature of nature. Thank God for God who can show me. Thank God He continues to answer my prayer to open my eyes, heart and soul so I may see and follow Him. I’m truly grateful.