Miracles in Hospice: The Power of the Present Moment.

I imagine many people want the healing of the dying person. But those miracles are more rare, and I believe while we lay in wait for that kind of miracle we are missing the miracles in front of us. If you only believe in the big one miracle, then you are missing the point. Miracles happen each moment, across time, and across realms. We do not need to have someone healed before our eyes to say a miracle has occurred.

Miracles happen when the words that need to be said, are said with the last breaths. Miracles happen when distress, gives way to comfort and souls can let go. Miracles happen when someone can see their loved one in a whole new light. Miracles happen when decades of angry dynamics melt into love and acceptance of who we are. Miracles happen when someone finally sees the light and realizes the time is now.

One of the greatest miracles is when someone finally enters the present moment and embraces their role. Consumed with our fears and worries, so many cannot see the very thing they fear the most even if it is happening right now. Fear blinds us from reality, and freezes our ability to accept not only what is happening, but who we are meant to be in this moment.

A son had called out for a nurse because his mother had not eaten all day. He was concerned because he could not wake her up, and last night she had wanted pancakes for breakfast. By now it was in the evening. As I came into the home, I leaned against the wall, to put my booties on, and then found a place for my bag. He went on. “ I wanted to get her up onto the couch, but I c c c can’t wake her up. “ The son stuttered, most likely out of sheer terror. I approached the hospital bed which consumed the center of the room, along with the clutter of all the medical home scene. The hum of the oxygen concentrator filled the empty space of time, and the buzz reverberated in my chest. I twisted to look behind me, where there was a sheet and blue pad placed on a sofa. It was only a few feet from the hospital bed. “ I can’t get her to drink anything.” He continued. My patient‘s head was cocked to the side, the rest of her in a fetal position. She was not responsive to verbal or tactile stimulation. He continued rattling off his worries. “ I wanted to get her up to eat. We tried to give her a few sips, but it just dribbles out of her mouth. “

Because I was always seeing new people in admissions and again with on-call, I did not have a personal history with many patients. I inquired how long she had been like this? He nervously described her two week descent from precarious health. He confides even though she is in hospice, he knows she will get better because his birthday is Christmas Eve. “ He reasoned. “She would not die before my birthday, would she? “ His mind was racing. ” I don’t want her to die on my birthday either. I need her to eat. I need her to drink, and I can’t wake her up. “ He was almost hysterical, pacing the length of the hospice bed, tenuously bringing his upper arms to shake them. He was so tense with frustration while swimming in anxiety he thought he was powerless to change this. He could not see how though.

Whatever the relationship was between this son and mother, it was close. More likely they were enmeshed. When two people are enmeshed, there is no distinction between self and other. So you can imagine the threat of the death of the one in which there is enmeshment. I believe this is why this son had so much difficulty accepting that she was dying. Instead, he was overtaken with fears and terror of losing her. He forgot his own self in the mix.

I intentionally set the intention to create a sacred space. Once that space is energetically open, I invite the heavenly host into the room. Something will be revealed, but whether or not this is accepted is another thing. But when it is, the power of the moment is very real. I turned to Jesus who was right next to me, and I prayed for help for this son to see the time is now. I gently let him know, she is dying now. “What it is you are afraid of, is happening right now. That is why you cannot wake her up. That is why she cannot take in anything. She is letting go now.”

How do you help someone who does not want to see what they do not want to see. The denial, arguments and rationalizations coming forth from this son were an energetic force for blindness. How could I make him see, his mother was dying now. “ She can’t be. My birthday is Christmas Eve. I thought she would be here for my birthday. “ This was 10 days from now. I let him be, and stayed quiet while the reality of the situation settled into his mind and spirit.

Because his mind was so focused on his birthday, and the meaning of the holidays he was missing the meaning of this moment right here. He was to take care of his mother as she was right now in this moment. I helped to explain this to my patient’s son, and he stopped moving. His nervous energy gave way to stillness.

I told him, she does need you. She needs you right now, but not in the way you think. She needs you to see her as she is right now. She wants to let to, and you need to allow her to let go. She needs you to hold her hand, play music, turn her, medicate her. She can still taste and smell. Give her what Tasteful pleasures she would enjoy on a swab, and allow her to enjoy the senses she can enjoy. Food and drink are not what she needs right now.

As it sunk it, a face of revelation lit up on his face. He realized he did not have the power to change her trajectory or timeline. But what he understood is that he could help her as she needed it right now, not as he needed it to be. He immediately calmed down, and realized the moments he had with her though finite, would live with him forever. He got more present, settled down and understood to use each moment to cradle her spirit and send her off with love.

I cannot explain the freedom from worry, angst, tension and powerlessness this moment had. He went from a place in his mind and heart worried about the fact that she would not eat or drink, to a recognition he had been given the gift to comfort her in her final hours.

I left him with a new set of instructions. He had his new marching orders, and a new spirit of confidence. He stood taller, calmer and with purpose.

24 hours later I was called out to the same home. I am glad I was the one who got to circle back around to him and be there for her death visit. The night before, this disheveled, tired anxious soul was trapped in the illusion he control life and death. He feared he would do or not do something to change her divine timing.

Tonight there was something different about him. He was not anxious, he moved with purpose and confidence, and he voice was full and strong. He had been changed by the profound power of facing your fear in the present moment. Once there, he was able to move through it with the proper tools, and keep himself intact. He was proud of himself and the job he did for his mom, and she died peacefully because he was able to surrender to what is.

When I face fear the first thing I always need to remember is to breath. My gut reaction is to stop breathing. It is a defensive mechanism to prevent us from feeling unpleasant feelings. However, the breath is what gives life to tissue. My breath brings mindfulness to this moment, and an awareness of all things in play. I recognize the simultaneous force of life going on in the moments I dread and I bring my conscious attention to the moment. It may not feel so great. There may be lessons to learn, or I may need to ask for help. Regardless, the pulsation and wisdom of life is strong in each moment. The universal energy which connects us all is a potent reminder of stream of life. In a single moment, or moments, it’s possible to embrace the unembraceable, know you are not alone, and open yourself up to a whole new part of yourself you never knew you had.

What is it you fear, and need help embracing? What new lessons need to be learned, or old lessons modified in order to nudge you to take care of that thing you have been avoiding? The time is now. There is not time like the present. The present, is the present. That’s all there is to it.